For the last few months, I have been going through a search and discovery mission. I thought my decisions over the last year had helped me to grow and become more in tune with the world around me. I was wrong....I decided to retreat to my family homestead to recharge. On the way I stopped and had my Aura picture taken to show me how wonderful I have become in the last year. To my dismay, my aura was not what I expected. The beautiful indigo crowned me as always, however in the center of my being was just a black void. How could this be? I have spent so much time trying to be more open and more loving. I have even blogged about it in many of my post. So at the homestead after a few shots of courage from Jose', I had my semi annual melt down (every six months I allow myself to cry like a loon for about 5 minutes). I have come to some pretty interesting conclusions.... I am a loving person, however it has been my experience that when I do show my emotions...love, sadness, pain etc. people in my life shut me down. I am too mushy, too weak, too optimistic, not optimistic enough. So despite my attempts to be more in touch with my emotions my heart chakra was still void. I have finally realized that in order for me to open my heart to emotions, I first have to give myself permission to express them. I have to be able to express them despite how others will react. So I may seem weak, mushy, evil but I will be a much better person for saying what needs to be said....for feeling what needs to be felt and ultimately doing what needs to be done.
